How do great speakers become great? How do Olympic athletes get so good at what they do? Practice, practice, practice of course. But there's one, often overlooked factor - they learn by doing.
It's important to prepare for the big events in your life. Say, for example, you are asked to give the key-note speech at charity dinner. You've worked in the charity arena for years - you are great at fund-raising, are on hand to meet and greet potential donors at the big events and can cold call with the best of them. But give a speech? Just a little bit beyond your experience level (not to mention way out of your comfort zone).
So how do you handle it? You read some books by some great speakers, perhaps take the Dale Carnegie course or join Toastmasters, write your speech out and coerce, persuade and beg your friends to serve as your willing audience time and again. You even go so far as to visualize the great day. You picture yourself all dressed up, walking up to the podium and giving the best speech of your life - heck, maybe even the best speech of anyone's life.
And you feel great. You have prepared to the best of your ability, your friends have told you how great your speech is and, being that you've been in this industry for several years, you feel confident that even if you don't wow the audience, you at least won't put them to sleep.
And then the big day arrives. You're dressed, you have your note cards prepared (just in case you forget something though you've memorized the entire speech), they call your name and you walk up to the podium, heart in hand. Then, out of nowhere, the nerves hit. Your stomach is so filled with butterflies, you feel like their next flutter will lift you right off your feet.
Somehow, you make your way to the podium without turning around and running terrified out the back door. You make your speech, remembering most of it (or at least you think you did, because it's all becoming something of a blur), sit down to polite, if not enthusiastic, applause and pray for this night to end.
What went wrong? Absolutely nothing. Preparation is great, practice is key, but you become skilled at doing something by doing it.
I read an article recently that spoke about how many people miss out on advancing their career because they're afraid to operate outside of their comfort zone. So they may be great at client presentations, but be unwilling to travel outside the country to meet with them because they don't speak the language. Or they might be great at connecting with their clients by phone calls and emails, but be intimidated by the thought of wining and dining that same client and his entourage all weekend.
Let me repeat - the best way to learn how to do something is by doing it. Why is that? Because when you look at some great 'thing' (like giving a keynote speech), it seems so intimidating from afar. So, continuing with the above example you do what you can to prepare and then give the keynote speech. And though the first time you do it may not be the best you'll ever do at it (unless you just have an unbelievable natural talent - and if that is the case, lucky you!), but, guess what? The next time you do it, you'll be even better. And the time after the next time you do it? Dare we say - great? Repetition is one of the principal keys to success and you must continue to give speeches until you get better.
Haven't you ever read a book written by someone, watched a stand-up comedy routine or someone act in a movie, and thought, 'I could do that so much better'? Well - you know what - you probably could. The only thing that separates you from that other person is that he or she went for what they wanted and you did not.
Yes, you could probably write a great book, do a wonderfully funny comedy routine or act well enough to garner honors - but the question is not can you, but WILL you? Will you take that teetering walk out on the high beam to try something you've never tried before? Will you risk your ego or self-esteem in an event that may not have the most positive initial outcome? Can you take the thought of operating outside of your comfort zone if the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term discomfort?
Those are definitely some things to think about.
So remember - you learn by DOING. What is it you can learn by DOING today?
Don't be afraid. And if you are afraid, don't let your fear hold you back. Do something different today. And set the course for your future...
All you have is now.
That’s important to remember. All you really have is right now. Tomorrow is not promised and yesterday is a far-away dream. A dream because you cannot reach it, touch it or taste it. It only exists in your memory. And, until we find a way of traveling back to the past, that’s all it will ever be – a dream.
Why do so many of us fail to realize all we have is right now? Because it’s easier to live in the past or our futures take so much of our planning time. The past is seductive because it is filled with memories of a younger, more hopeful you. You were smarter (you believe), you were more fit (which is probably true), and you had your whole life ahead of you. Days were longer, love was stronger and family and friendships really meant something in 'those' days.
Or, you have fond memories of when you were a star athlete, prom queen or star of your high school drama class. You can recall when your first child was born, what your husband looked like the day you got married or how your mom used to nurse you with chicken soup when you were ill. Many times we live in the past because, over time, our memories of it become rosier. We tend to remember the highlights and the good times. Far from your memories is how lonely you felt, or the days you were bored to tears. You only vaguely remember what it was like to be so anxious to grow up you would have traded your entire teenage period to have your first job and live in the real ‘world.’
The future, like the past, also has a hold on our attention. It seems so bright with promise – there are so many things you’re going to get to tomorrow. You’re going to start that diet, look for a new job, meet up with your friends (since you haven’t seen them in God knows how long) or try out that new restaurant. Or your days are so busy, you have to write out a to-do list to capture all you have to do. You could be so organized that your entire day is scheduled, from getting the kids up to making breakfast to getting to work on time, to meeting with new clients, to taking an out-of-town trip, to more and more, ad infinitum. You are one busy person.
And in the midst of all that nostalgia for the past and all that planning for the future, we miss out on what we actually hold in the palm of our hands – our entire life RIGHT NOW. With the advent of such books as ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle and others, we are finally starting to realize our lives are fully lived in the right here and now. All those waiting-until-something-happen moments, the humdrum and boring days, the small talk with the neighbors and the lunch dates with your clients add up to your LIFE. This moment – right here, right now – while you are reading or listening to this book is your LIFE. Not the fly-ball you caught when you were 14, not your wedding day and not even the lunch date you have with your friend tomorrow. Those are moments that have passed or moments that are to come. Your entire life is right now. Make sure you live it to the fullest!
Though it's important to live in the now, there are some very important things you must remember about dealing full-on with your life - as it is right at this moment.The now moment may not be all that great. It may be filled with pain or discomfort, but it’s all you have to work with.
And this is something you’ll have to remember for each day of your life. Life will never be ideal. A perfect existence does not mean the absence of anything negative. In other words, don’t be surprised when bad things happen: EXPECT bad things to happen.
Your job is to gird yourself up – to eat right, sleep well, and become emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy – so that you can face the challenges that are going to come your way.
If you remember nothing else, remember this: You are absolutely guaranteed troubles.
No one gets off scot-free. There is very little joy without pain or success without failure. There are no perfect relationships, perfect people, perfect children, perfect lives or perfect careers. Everyone has their share of flaws, imperfections and peccadilloes. (Especially) including you. Just like all people are not a joy to deal with on a day-to-day basis, neither are you. Neither am I. The comforting fact is the realization that we all share these flaws and imperfections. And we all experience good and bad days. Pain, tragedy, discomfort, depression, trials, tribulations and poor circumstances are great equalizers. Everyone experiences them in some measure and everyone finds their own way to cope with them. And that’s life.
It’s your choice. The way you live your life, the friends you have, the spouse you chose, and the house in which you live – you chose them. You decided that your cute next-door-neighbor would make a great father to your future kids so you married him. You decided to be a pediatrician and saved and pushed yourself to finish medical school. Your wife decided the house you live in was too adorable to pass by, so you decided to go along with her choice. You were uninterested in signing up for a gym membership so, guess what, you choose to weigh just a little bit more than you ought to.
It’s important to remember that the sum of all your choices equals this: your life. Your life, as it is right now, is the sum result of all the choices that you’ve made since you were able to make choices.
Even when you don’t choose, you’ve made a choice. Deciding not to say anything when your co-worker gets rewarded for a project you spearheaded is a choice to not pursue the raise you should have gotten. Deciding to remain silent while your husband berates your child about his lack of homework skills is a choice to allow your husband’s parenting skills to trump yours (and possibly a choice to create an unmotivated child). Deciding to allow your boyfriend to choose where to eat every single time you go out is a choice that possibly allows him to be the dominant partner in your relationship.
Everything you do, everything you say and all the emotions you feel are choices. (It goes without saying that things done to you (abuse, neglect or acts of God) are not things that you ‘choose.’ ) I emphasize this because you will find that it’s very important to a) be account able for all the choices you make and b) make consistently good choices in your future. All you have is right now. The past is gone (and so are those decisions), so it’s time to move on and move forward. I don’t say that in a clichéd fashion – I say it because it is true. In order to move on and move forward you must choose to do so.
